Musings

I'm not even sure if that's how you spell that word. Usually, I pride myself in correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation. But tonight I just can't bring myself to care.

I've been reading a couple of new blogs lately. This week, two very interesting and very different blogs have "fallen into my lap." I'm so glad I don't believe in coincidences, though. I believe in God's sovereinty in all things. Even things that seem silly, like blogs. I've been challenged by two very different sets of people. Both have challenged my faith, and my Father has used both of these people to convict me of very serious sin in my life. Sin that I am sometimes pretty good at hiding. Although those that know me well don't see too far past the facade.

It's late. Especially for me. I'm usually in dream land at this point. But after spending well over an hour reading one of those new blogs, I decided that a relaxing bubble bath was in order. I needed to think about some things. I needed some time to talk to Jesus. I decided that now would be a good time to share my random musings. Some are deeper than others. So if you care to know things on my mind, please feel free to read on.

1.  I want to be a better listener. I tend to make things about me...ALL THE TIME. It's ridiculous really. I can't even believe I have friends at this point. I'm sorry. I want to be better. I really do care, I guess I'm just not good at showing it. I want to get better. I will get better.

2.   I have a really great husband. Seriously. I take him for granted every single day. I complain and nag him and probably drive him insane. Luckily, I married someone who respects the institute of marriage and fears God, otherwise he may have left me a long time ago! :) Today, he got up and went to work. He came home for lunch, changed clothes, and went to work on the deck that he's been building me. As a Christmas present. That I didn't even have to ask for. After a few hours of work, he got out more Christmas decorations for the yard that I've been bugging him about for 2 weeks. That project got interupted by another, bigger project. My wonderful husband spent the remainder of the afternoon, and most of the evening, working with our neighbor to install a new door on our house. This is a HUGE deal! They worked. And worked. And worked. For over 4 hours. And NEVER complained. It's still not finished, but at 7:30 he finally came in. Then he spend the rest of his evening snuggling and playing with Lorelai. He adores her. And she absolutely cannot get enough of her Daddy. I am lucky. That was a lot for one number, but I just couldn't resist:)

3.   I am very thankful for good neighbors. This guy knows Jeremy from work. He volunteered his carpentry skills to help install a new door. No one asked him to help. He simply walked over and offered. He and Jeremy have been measuring and talking about this door since October. After nearly cutting off his fingers last month on another project, this man still offered to help us today. He didn't ask for anything, and he did it with a smile. He may not know it, but he showed the love of God today with his actions. I see a Backyard giftcard in his future.

4.   I love Saturdays with Lorelai. She is SO MUCH FUN! I really don't know how else to say that. My heart swells when I think about the love I have for her. I want to remember these days always.

5.   I'm thankful for a God who loves me in spite of who I am. I'm a fake and a phony. To a lot of people, I've got it together. For the most part, I'm doing pretty well. Jesus knows better. Lucky for me, he chooses to love me anyway. That's insane.

6.   I LOVE CHRISTMAS! The lights! The music! The weather! The pictures! And the super cute clothes that I get to dress Lorelai in.

7.   I have wonderful friends that I don't get to spend enough time with. This makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I want to make more of an effort to spend time with the girls. Just us. No husbands. No kids. HA! That would require the husbands taking the kids...which is just nuts.

8.  This post is entirely too long, but if you love me, you're still reading. Either that, or you've got nothing better to do with your time. Hopefully I'm not too big of a waste:)

9.   I should be more thankful. And less selfish. God is allowing me to carry another child, and all I've done since the day I found out is complain. There's a whole other post or 2 in here for this topic, but I'll sum it up with this...my heart is broken for the condition that it is in, and I am praying for healing.

10.   I haven't gotten sick in THREE WHOLE DAYS! That, my friends, is way cool! I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

11.   I want to know the gender of this child I'm incubating. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this pregnancy, but now I'm ready to know! I'm trying to convince Jeremy that we should do our ultrasound at 18 weeks so that I can know before Christmas. So far, he's not going for it. Keep your fingers crossed.

12.   I want to read my Bible more. Will you say a prayer for me that I will be more faithful?

13.   I'm thankful for the gift of song. I love to sing. I'm not that great, but I still enjoy it. I'm glad people give me a chance to sing.

14. I should go to bed. Sunday mornings are always hectic around our house, and tomorrow will probably be no different.

15.   I hope Jeremy makes biscuits in the morning. The kitchen is in decent shape, so maybe Lo and I will get to enjoy some before church:)

Funny Hair!

Lorelai's hair is nuts lately! There's not much you can do with it, except hope that it lays down. Tonight when I got her out of the bath, I tossled her hair with the towel and got a diaper on her. When I looked up, she looked SO STINKIN CUTE! I grabbed the camera and got a couple of pretty good shots.

I just can't quit laughing at these! Her Daddy wants me to make sure I keep them for when she starts dating:)

Sweet Snuggles

Lorelai doesn't really like to snuggle. If she has a choice (and she usually does) she'd much rather be on the floor, or at least on the move in someone's arms. Last night, I got a rare chance to rock my girl to sleep.

She was so sleepy when we got home from dinner. I got her ready for bed and took her back to her room. I didn't expect to rock her, but I decided to give it a shot. She was already so tired, so I didn't think she would fight it too much. And she didn't! She immediately snuggled into my arms and started loving on my shirt sleeve, something new that she's started doing lately. I was in Mommy heaven! I sang and sang to her, picking random Christmas songs and old hymns. I finally put her in her bed so she could stretch out. But not before soaking in the wonderful feeling of my big little girl in my arms. Not before kissing her a thousand times. Not before crying just a little at how incredibly amazing she is. Not before talking to Jesus for quite a while about the kind of Mommy I want to be for Lorelai, and the kind of woman I know He wants her to become.

Jeremy got to cuddle with his baby girl tonight. It was absolutely sweet! We turned off the lights, had our tiny fireplace going, and Christmas music playing over the TV. Lo snuggled up with her Daddy in his recliner, and they both fell asleep. After about 30 minutes, I took her to bed.

What sweet, sweet moments with our sweet, sweet Lorelai. These are some of the moments that I would like to pause. I'm so ready to make these memories with #2 very soon. Before we have time to blink twice, our family will grow from 3 to 4. It's not at all the way I imagined my life...it's better!

Roger's Top Ten

I realize I blog a lot...maybe too much...about the Rangers. I just can't help it! I'm going to do my very best to make this my last Ranger post for a while. But I just couldn't help myself.

During the World Series, my clever father came up with a Top Ten Countdown that I thought was incredibly funny! So I've got to share.

Top Ten Reasons You Might Suspect You're a Rangers Bandwagon Jumper

10)     You don't know who Joaquin Arias is without searching the internet

  9)     You're unsure of how to pronounce (or even who is) Esteban German

  8)     You think TAG is just a silly kids' game

  7)     You think Salty is a type of roasted peanut, and a Teagarden is where an Englishman has his afternoon drink with crumpets

  6)     You weren't "throwing" the CLAW sign in June

  5)     You think you can make a Julio Borbon by mixing tequila and whiskey

  4)     You find yourself saying, "VLAD! How in the WORLD could you swing at THAT pitch?!"

  3)     You think, "Hey, who's that old bald guy sitting next to the former President? Is he some kind of secret service?"

  2)     You're thinking of buying tickets, in the left-field upper deck, for a 5 p.m. July 4 game next season.

  1)     You're worried because the Rangers are down 3 games to 1. RELAX! WE GOT THIS!

I thought those were so funny! Of course, the #1 reason proved to be untrue, but they proved time and again this year that you just can't give up on the Rangers. I'm already counting down to Opening Day at The Ballpark in Arlington on April 1, 2011. I'm still trying to talk my wonderful husband into taking his 8-month-pregnant wife to that weekend series. We'll see if I can convince him between now and then! I only have 5 months and 21 days left!

Today is Halloween.

Today is also Lorelai's 10 month "birthday!" I've not really had too much time to reflect on that today, but each time it's crossed my mind, all I can do is grin and shake my head. It's just so unbelievable!

I still remember New Year's Eve 10 months ago. I know I always will. Tonight I've had a little time to think about that night (while watching the Rangers:) ), as well as how much has changed since then. Lorelai weighed 7 lbs., 1.5 oz when she was born. Friday night, she weighed 21 lbs. On December 31, 2009, Lorelai Roxane was 19 inches long. At her 9 month checkup on October 8, she was 27.5 inches long. She didn't have much to say those first few days. Now there is never a quiet moment at my house. (Which I love, by the way)

Lorelai Roxane - December 31, 2010

Lorelai Roxane - October 30, 2010

Lorelai has changed so much just in the last few weeks! She is a pro at pulling up. She's absolutely fearless. A laundry basket, a couch, a toy, a drawer, a pair of legs. They're all fair game when she decides it's time to stand up. And she's always so proud of herself! She has to turn and make sure somebody is watching all the time. The girl can cover ground like nobody's business! As soon as she sees something she wants, she's off! Just this week, Lorelai's first tooth broke through! I am one proud Mommy. We're already working on number two! And Lorelai loves her Daddy! Just in the last few days, she really seems to have figured out what to call him. I'm always slow to credit her for a milestone, and I know that babys often say dadada and mamama without actually knowing what they're saying. But I feel like she's figured it out lately! It's so funny to see her face when Jeremy walks in to the room. She adores him!

Lorelai is my little soprano. After her bath this morning, she just sang and sang! Her face was incredibly animated as we walked through the house for a diaper. Eyes wide, mouth dropped open, loving the sound of her own voice. And who can blame her?! It's only the most beautiful voice on the planet!

I'm having the time of my life with my sweet baby girl. She's an absolute joy. I can honestly say that she is fun every single day of the week. I like to tell her that "Even on your bad days, you're still really good!" And it's completely true. I love her so very much! And it's amazing to me that every day I wake up with just a little more love in my heart for my precious baby girl.

History Has Been Made

We are HUGE Texas Ranger fans at our house! This has been made quite clear in several previous posts. Tonight, the Rangers made history. They won their first Post Season series in the history of the franchise!

My dad was raised a Ranger fan, and therefore Tyler and I were raised that way as well. We've been watching the Rangers since before I can remember. And while it's been fun, it's usually proved disappointing. Not tonight! Tonight, a little after 10:00, Cliff Lee threw his last pitch to BJ Upton of the Tampa Bay Rays; a pop out to shortstop, Elvis Andrus. The series ended after 5 games. Games 1 and 2 were played in Tampa Bay, and the Rangers dominated. Games 3 and 4 were played in Arlington, where Tampa came back and tied the series. It all came down to tonight. I've gotta be honest...I didn't have much faith. I WANTED them to win, but I just wasn't sure if they could. Shame on me! With a 5-1 final, the Rangers are headed back to Arlington!

A few weeks ago, I decided it might be neat to go to the ALCS, if the Rangers were to make it. Jeremy, Tyler, Abbie and I were fortunate enough to have tickets to Game 3 of the ALDS. My Grandma Eva bought us tickets for Christmas, and it was a blast! But I knew that my dad would love to have the opportunity to see the Rangers in the Post Season. So when I got an email from the Rangers giving me the opportunity to purchase ALCS tickets, I just couldn't resist! We kept it a secret, and tonight I got to make a really fun phone call. There have been very few times that I've been able to successfully surprise my daddy, and I'm really glad this one worked out!

So Friday night, we'll be there! Hopefully to witness a little more history. The Texas Rangers have never won a Post Season game at home...ever. I'm really hoping they change that one Friday night! BRING ON THE YANKEES!

Have You Heard?

It's not really a secret at this point. But it was to me! Up until a week ago Sunday, I had no idea anything was going on in my body. But...surprise!

I woke up last Saturday, and I didn't feel too well. I got a little sick before Lorelai and I left the house to run some errands, but I didn't think much of it. Once I got some breakfast in my tummy, I was fine! Sunday morning was a little of the same. While I had my head in the toilet, Jeremy happened to walk by and voice his concern. "Could you be pregnant?" HA! Yeah right! No way! I quickly shot him down, and explained that Misty, the girl that I work with, was dealing the the stomach bug at her house, and I must have caught a bit of it the previous week at school. But Jeremy persisted. For the rest of the morning. And most of the afternoon. So finally, at about 3:00, I headed to Walgreens for a covert shopping trip. There was no point in going to Walmart...everybody and their dog would have seen me on that aisle, and the rumor would have been around town before I even got to pee on the stick!

I didn't really get anxious or nervous until I actually opened the box at home. There was no real reason for me to believe I was pregnant. Sure, I was a few weeks late, but surely it's normal to be irregular after a baby. Nothing about my body felt at all like it did with Lorelai. I had been pretty tired, but I have a pretty taxing job, so I blamed the fatigue on the 4 and 5 year olds that I corral all day. At 5:00 on Sunday afternoon, I finally bit the bullet and took the test. My heart was pounding! But I just knew it shouldn't be, right?! WRONG!

It took less than a minute for that beautiful little word to appear digitally on the screen. (Jeremy wanted me to buy the high dollar ones just to be sure). WHAT?! I fell...literally fell...on the floor of the bathroom. I was in shock. I looked at it again and again. I'm pregnant?! Really?! Excitement, panic, anxiety, joy, and every other emotion you could possibly imagine went pulsing through my veins in the exact same instant. When I gathered myself just a little and finally picked myself up off the floor, I stalked into the living room to find my baby girl. As soon as I saw her, my heart melted and I burst into tears. How could any baby be as good as this baby? How could I ever in my existance find enough love to share with another baby? I'm still working on that one, but I know that as soon as I hear this precious heartbeat and see that first picture, I will be head over heels for Baby #2, just like I am for Lorelai.

I scooped my girl up and headed back to the bedroom to tell Daddy that he better start truck shopping. He was elated! Jeremy has been my strength this week. He loves being a daddy, and he can't wait to get to love another baby! When I start stressing, he just smiles and tells me that God is sovereign and that "we got this!" Lorelai has a good daddy. And so does Baby #2:)

So here we go again! I'm heading to the doctor for the first time in the morning. According the the calendar, I'm already 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Baby #2 will be here sometime in mid-May! Lorelai will be a little more than 16 months old. Crazy, I know! But my God is in control. He has a plan for the child's life, and I get to be a part of that! I will never ever ever tell you that this child was an accident or mistake. Unexpected? Yes. A surprise? Yes. An accident? No way. My Father doesn't make mistakes...ever! I'm so thankful, and I'm praying for a healthy baby! And I might throw in a prayer or two for another well-behaved baby, too. :)